Bittersweet
by PhoenixFireFourteen
Summary: Lily Evans and Severus Snape had a strange relationship. One word to describe it would be bittersweet. Rated T for slight violence. Canon.
1. A Bittersweet Meeting

**Bittersweet**

**A Bittersweet Meeting**

Lily was swinging higher and higher, soaring through the air. She could feel the air whistling past her ears and all she felt was pure elation, pure bliss. She heard petunia's warning of 'Lily, don't do it!' but she ignored her. She launched herself skywards and landed gracefully like a trapeze artist. She again ignored Petunia's remonstrations. Instead she made her way towards a discarded flower and proceeded to make it do tricks to her will. She sensed Petunia's horror long before it was voiced but power coursing through her fingertips felt so wonderful, magical even.

And when the Snape boy appeared and told her she was a witch (a witch!) and Petunia stormed off in a huff she finally understood it was magic she was doing. She was hurt, of course, that Petunia didn't like it but she was so enthralled in hearing about this new life she would embrace soon so she did not dwell on it.

That should have been a warning to heed of course.

But she made friends soon with Severus. He seemed like a nice boy and he knew so much about magic. He was a wizard, and she was a witch!

It was a bittersweet meeting. She belonged to a whole new world now but she had lost her sister and oh, what a heavy loss it was. The bitterness would only increase from there on, and any chance of salvation would be lost on both of their parts. She would continue to feel betrayed and find it hard to trust anyone because after all, if her own sister could ignore her because of what she was then why couldn't anyone else? The holidays at home would become an ordeal and would soon strain both the children's relationships with their parents. And when her death came leaving baby Harry to the care of her bitter sister she would curse herself for not trying harder to repair their bond and Petunia would be left with the bitter reminder of all she had lost. But in turn she would gain so many friends, feel at home at Hogwarts and fight for what she believed in. She would fall in love and marry James, but Petunia wouldn't be there to see it.

It was a bittersweet meeting.

* * *

The young scrawny boy cowered in fear as he heard his father swear oaths and curses, incomprehensible in his drunken rage. He carried on colouring his picture studiously, trying to lose himself in the colours and lines. There was a squeal, a thump and a sickening cackle.

Severus peered over the banister. His father was swaying, bottle in hand. A chair was lying broken on the floor next to him. He searched desperately for his mother, for they were the only source of comfort to each other at these times, and sure enough he found her meekly carrying a plate of food in from the kitchen.

"Do sit down and eat something dear, you'll feel much better. I'm sure you've had a difficult day at work," she murmured, trying her best to be soothing. Tobias Snape laughed mockingly at her.

"And what would you know about that?" he questioned cruelly. "All you need to do is wave your stupid little stick around and everything gets done. Unfair, I say. That's why I don't let you use that thing in my house. You will work for me like a good wife should, you understand? YOU UNDERSTAND?" he roared again suddenly when she made no response and threw the glass bottle at the wall. It smashed into pieces, shards flying everywhere.

He rummaged around the drinks cabinet for another drink and Severus took advantage of the time to run to his mother.

"Run Sev," she whispered. "Don't worry, I'll be fine. But daddy's very cross today. Go to the park and play for a while."

He hesitated, not wanting to leave his mother but decided when he saw her face. Eileen Prince was a strong woman. Besides he annoyed his father, so surely his mum was safer without him?

Instead he took solace amongst the bushes, hiding from the nasty muggle children who teased his clothes. And when he saw the red-headed girl he was overjoyed. Another witch! They made friends quickly and for the first time he was able to forget the hurt and worry and sick despair at the thought of his father. For the first time he was truly happy.

It was a bittersweet meeting.


	2. A Bittersweet Parting

**A Bittersweet Parting**

Lily stormed through the endless maze of corridors, no apparent destination in place. Her face was streaked with tears blurring her vision. Her feet pounded on the stone floor in rhythm with her heart, her mind a torrent of emotions. How could he? Sev? Her best friend?

He was the one who had first introduced her to the magical world which was now her life.

He was the one she ran to in first year when Potter and his gang teased her and called her Carrots.

He was the only one who knew her. Really knew her. Sure, Alice was her best girl friend and Mary and Marlene and Remus were her close friends too but nobody was even close to Sev.

But now He was the one to ruin it, by calling her the unforgiveable.

Mudblood.

She felt a sudden inexplicable rush of anger towards Potter. This was his entire fault. And Black's. If it weren't for their bullying Sev wouldn't have been in the position to say something like that. Lily knew that being put under pressure forced people to say things they didn't perhaps mean, taking her own sister Petunia as a prime example.

But there was a sly voice at the back of her head that told her she was being utterly ridiculous blaming Potter. Sure, it was partially his fault but to be honest, Sev had been heading this way for a while now. She snorted mirthlessly to herself. Just look at is friends! Mulciber, Avery, the lot of them - they were disgusting.

Her anger ebbed away slowly, only to be replaced with sheer disappointment. Unconsciously, her thoughts drifted to long ago. Before Petunia had found out and stopped talking to her. Before Potter and Black started hexing Sev just for the fun of it. But mostly before all this blood prejudice. She knew that Sev had picked the wrong side.

* * *

Eventually it would happen, they knew. They had braced themselves but nothing could truly prepare them for the impact. The pain and sorrow of losing one another. The slight relief of not having to lie and argue constantly. The bittersweet parting that would have to occur.

* * *

He stared after her retreating figure. Blind panic was written on his face, he was sure of it, but for once he didn't care about the stupid Slytherin mask in control his emotions. He had done it. The unforgivable. He had called her a mudblood.

How could he possibly have been so careless?

Potter and Black were shooting him dirty glances now but he ignored them. Shoulders hunched he made his way towards the castle, unconsciously knowing where she would be. It was their little spot on the fourth floor corridor, a little alcove just big enough for the two of them. It was where they always gathered, when Lily was upset about Potter's pestering or when he was teased by the other Slytherins.

But something told him this would be the last time he was there with her. He wanted to hold onto her desperately but he knew the time had come to choose. He wouldn't give up power, his life even just for someone. He was a Slytherin and proud of it, not some stupidly reckless Gryffindor like Potter who had no other ambitions than to make miserable of other peoples' lives.

No he was Severus Snape; future Death Eater, excellent potioneer and particularly good at Dark Arts. Lily Evans would not hold him back.

Then he turned the corner and saw her.

Her dark red hair fell in loose waves and tumbled delicately around her shoulders, partially covering her red-rimmed eyes which were a startling shade of emerald green. She was curled up in the alcove yet she seemed to sense his presence without seeing him

"Snape," came the hoarse whisper. She removed her head from her arms and narrowed those mesmerising eyes at him. _Oh get a grip Snape! _He could not afford to let himself get distracted after all. He had a plan.

"Lily. I'm so sorry." The pain in his tone could not be more evident yet she acted as if she hadn't understood him.

"What for? Why are you sorry?" Let's face it Sev, we've been coming to this for a while now. We're going different ways and you know it."

He tried to speak but his mouth felt like sandpaper. He manage to stutter out a, "But I am sorry Lily. I didn't mean to call you that. Please, you have to believe me!"

She eyed him shrewdly, calculatingly, and the suspense was sickening.

"Oh I believe you. But that's just it. There is a war coming and we're both fighting for the opposite sides."

"Fight?" he snarled. How could small, petite, elfin Lily Evans fight against Death Eaters, his comrades in fact? The very thought nauseated him. "Lily, you don't have to fight. The Dark Lord is merciful. He will spare you if need be. We can make an exception."

And suddenly she was on her feet, rage distorting her dainty features.

"ENOUGH" I've had enough of this!" she roared. "I've always been an exception for you and it's not right. Even when we first met you made fun of Petunia because she was a muggle. You thought her less important than us. And now you're fighting people like me and you expect me to just come and stand by idly, on your side? We can't keep having this same argument Sev! I've had enough."

The words cut him like knives but he knew it was right. He loved Lily, more than he cared to admit in fact, but what she said was true. It was time to give up on this half-baked friendship mess. Besides her blood...well it wasn't as pure as the heart within.

But neither is yours said a snide voice in the back of his head. He ignored it.

He eyed her apprehensively, waiting for another onslaught but the previous seemed to have tired her. It had drained her emotionally as well as physically.

All he had wanted to do was to impress her. To show her that he was powerful as well, could cast spells just as well as Potter and Black. That was why he joined them. She wasn't impressed of course but it was too late to back out now.

He couldn't go back in time and change things but there was one thing he could do. For once, Severus would choose the right words.

"Lily. Listen to me please." He took a deep breath, turned away, and continued. He did not see the myriad of emotions that played over her face, nor did he want to. "I know that we can't be friends any longer. I know we've both chosen sides. I wish I could have this and still have you as well, but I know that's selfish. I'm not selfish. Not like _them_." He spat the word with venom and from the way he tensed up Lily knew it was Potter and Black he was referring to. And she didn't try to disagree with him. He continued on, oblivious to the whirlwind of thoughts in her head. "I understand if you resent me because of my choices. But please, remember the great times we used to have, all the fun and happiness and laughter. How we were so young and full of life all the time. In our own little world where nothing else mattered. Just remember us."

* * *

The silence was deafening as his words reverberated around the empty corridor. Lily, for once, was at a loss for what to say. Her usually silent, sullen and sulky friend had just astounded her with his for once eloquent speech. She had a feeling it was rehearsed. Just like him. He always felt nothing he ever did for Lily was good enough. As if he always had to prove things to her. She wanted to tell him that he was brilliant, that he shouldn't think so lowly of himself. But instead, trying to level her wavering voice, she said, "Always."

* * *

Severus turned on his heel and walked away, not quite elated but unable to feel to completely sorrowful either. He had lost her but she had promised to remember him. She hadn't fully given up on him. Not really. For she had given him the golden world. _Always_.

* * *

Years later he would repeat this word, the implications heavier on his heart than anyone knew. It was the golden word but which held the idea of a bittersweet parting. Only Dumbledore understood him, he knew the lengths he would go to in his love for Lily. And as he uttered the word it was her face, her vibrant hair, hypnotising eyes he pictured. He would always love her. _Always_.


	3. A Bittersweet Ending

**A Bittersweet Ending**

She was begging, screaming for mercy, no longer caring about her pride. Shielding baby Harry behind her small frame, she wished with all her might he would never have to see the face of this demoniac monster, never have to stare down the end of the wand that had aided its master in so many horrifying exploits.

Lily had heard the muffled thump, seen the flash of green light and felt the wrenching of her heart to know that James was dead.

She also knew that her end was approaching and nothing could save her now, it was too late. Peter had betrayed them but all she felt for him was pity.

But Lily knew she would do everything to save Harry.

She saw the flash of green light enter her and felt the ice-cold pain numb her heart.

She was dead.

Yet something felt wrong. When Voldemort advanced upon Harry she felt no fear, no worry. And as he uttered the fateful curse that blasted away his own existence she felt calm.

It was time to make the decision.

Voldemort was gone but he would one day return. And Harry would have to face his fate one way or another. She would always be in his heart. Or she could go on. She could join James. Oh, James! And suddenly her choice was clear.

She would join her soul mate but would have to leave her son to face his destiny. Her baby was alive! But he was orphaned. Homeless. She and James were gone but they still had each other. For what did it matter whether they were in the darkness or the light as long as they could hold each other through it?

It was a bittersweet end.

* * *

He was on his knees yet no sound escaped him.

He could not die now, not without giving him the memories. He had to know. He couldn't die in vain. _Death_. The idea was a bittersweet. He would see Lily again. Lily, her fiery red hair and compassionate emerald eyes -

And suddenly they were hovering in front of him, shielded behind thick rounded spectacles.

Potter.

"Take them," he croaked extracting his memories. The granger girl was behind him, conjuring up a flask. No doubt Weasley was somewhere there as well. His hair, Potter's eyes and Granger's intelligence - it made up Lily.

He had not failed Dumbledore then. He had given Potter the memories. But he could not stand to think what they contained. How could he leave _her_ son to such a fate? But death seemed so welcoming now. Her passionate embrace surrounded him fogging up his thoughts. He would finally see his dear sweet Lily again, yet leave her son to die. Dumbledore had a plan but he Snape saw no way out of it for the boy. Surely he was doomed.

But he couldn't hold on any longer. It was time for his end. And Severus Snape's death was a bittersweet ending.


End file.
